I scream, you scream, we all scream for....

.....Sorbet?!?!

Uh...really?

No, really. Now, I'm a bit of an ice cream connoisseur (in other words, I eat a lot of it), and I would have serious doubts that anything could rival the rich creaminess or citrussy tang of my favourite homemade ice cream - orange, clotted cream and white chocolate, for those asking. But a couple of Saturdays ago, with the sun beating on my shoulders, the heat making a sun trap of our garden, the butterflies skating about in the air, the larks...erm, larkning about....I couldn't possibly face anything bearing the description 'rich'. Not even a Texan billionaire, and I usually have a terrible soft spot for them.

I also had some slightly overripe strawberries, a full bottle of elderflower cordial, and a burning desire to prove to people that making sorbet is THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD, EVER. Actually, I'd say it goes: 1. breathing, 2. making sorbet, and 3. drawing a stick man. (Unless, of course, you're a particularly inept drawer. That's draw-er, as in someone who draws, not drawer as in something you keep your underwear in. At least I hope that's where you keep your underwear, you saucy thing.)

But I digress. Well actually, of course I digress. I mean, you have met me/read my blog, haven't you? You do know that it's entirely impossible for me to get straight to the point and not be distracted by some passing whimsy. Oh look! Some passing whimsy! (This is possibly why I had to stop my driving lessons, but that's another story for another day.)

Yes! So, cooking and that. I'm going to say one more time how MEGA SIMPLE this is, but the hugely pleasing upshot of the whole bally* thing is that every single one of your friends will go 'ooooooooh, sorbet! Gosh, you must be awfully clever to make that. You're ever so clever and talented and beautiful'. I'll just mention here that a) if they don't say this, then don't come back to me for any refunds. Although I could probably give you an elderflower or something, and b) if you're a man just substitute 'beautiful' for 'handsome'. Unless you are a very beautiful man. And if you ARE a very beautiful man and you're also reading my blog, then hello, future husband.

*I need to apologise/explain the use of 'bally' here, for the first time in possibly 50 years. I've been reading much too much P.G. Wodehouse lately, and just spend my days looking for ways to shoehorn funny words into sentences. Next week: Shakespeare funny words; 'zounds', 'p'shaw' and 'god's bodkin'. See you there.


What? Oh, right, right, the recipe. Well, if I must.

Ingredients

250g strawberries
125g caster sugar
75ml elderflower cordial
50ml water
Half a lemon

This recipe is slightly bastardised from one of Nigel Slater's (as the actress said to the bishop. Yes, I'm all about the topical and cutting edge humour today.) But....well, his sounded a bit bloody awful. Sorry Nige. I find you terribly endearing and that. What he was proposing was sorbet and then SYRUP on top. WHAT???? My teeth are already aching at the hideous sweetness of it all. So I actually sort of made this version up.

Method

1. I actually feel like I'm insulting you with this recipe. Just put the sugar, cordial and water in a pan.

2. Bring it to the boil and just let it thicken. Don't go crazy, just let it thicken up a little bit.

3. Rinse and hull the strawbs. Put them in a blender. Blend them.

4. Cut the lemon in half, and squeeze it into the strawberries. Blend them a little bit more.

5. Just combine the strawbs and the syrup. Mix it.

6. Gosh, well this is awkward....that's kind of it. Just put it in a suitable container, pop it in the freezer and stir it every few hours to stop those beastly ice crystals forming.




We're done here. We're so done.

(Add a few sprigs of mint or redcurrants to jazz it up, if you're feeling guilty at how easy it all was)

Sink me! My first brush with a soufflé

My little iPhone calendar thingy says 'June'. I have a little giggle to myself, because Steve Jobs' technology has clearly gone madly and horrifically wrong. Looked outside recently, little iPhone? No, clearly not. Because anyone with even half a sense of perception can see it's obviously October. So, a Saturday afternoon on a schizophrenic day that is half gorgeous sunshine and half bonfires and drizzle. This presented me with quite a quandary about what to bake, as clearly neither a bright and breezy pavlova OR berry-based spicy confection would fly at all.

I scanned the bookcase groaning under the weight of a myriad cookery books, my eyes flicking along until I saw the woefully underused Green and Black's 'Ultimate Chocolate Recipes - The New Collection'. Now, who am I to argue with something calling itself the 'Ultimate'? I actually very rarely fancy chocolate, but today was one of those rare occasions. It took me a while to locate the recipe I wanted, but once I spotted the right one, I knew. Deep in my heart, I knew that this was the cake I had to make. 'Chocolate and chestnut soufflé cake'. It seemed perfect - a bit of Autumn in there, with that chestnut (not to mention that I've long coveted those little tins of chestnut pureé in Waitrose), but light enough with the soufflé element.

Don't be scared. This was my first ever soufflé, and it went perfectly. It can for you too.

Green & Black's Chocolate and Chestnut Soufflé Cake

Ingredients
25g soft unsalted butter
125g unsalted butter
125g dark (70% cocoa solids) chocolate, broken into pieces
A pinch of salt
250g can Clement Faugier vanilla chestnut spread (Waitrose stocks this!)
100ml semi-skimmed milk
3 large free-range eggs
75g caster sugar
Good-quality cocoa powder, for dusting
Creme fraiche, to serve

1. Preheat the oven to 160 degrees C/gas mark 3. Does anyone actually use the gas mark thingy? I might just stop putting it in. Anyway, smear a 20cm tin with butter (with a removable base if you have that luxury). Line it with parchment paper. I personally put the tin ON the paper, trace a line round it in pencil, then cut to size. If you're super cautious, you can put this tin on a baking tray too.

2. Melt the chopped butter and chocolate in a heatproof bowl, over a pan of simmering water. Add a pinch of salt and stir from time to time. Once smoother and darker than the chest of a Chippendale, take off the heat and set aside.

3. Meanwhile, in a universe far, far away...heat up the chestnut puree with milk in a separate pan. I'd tell you to take it out of the can first, but you're a clever bunny, aren't you? Stir until smooth again...I already used the Chippendale joke didn't I?

4. Separate eggs and yolks, and whisk the yolks and sugar in a bowl.

5. Pour the chestnut mixture into the chocolate, and make sure you stir it well. Stir it until you think you’re done, then stir it one more time. Make a wish if you have to.

6. Stir it into the egg yolks, and mix to make a smooth batter. Yes, this recipe is sponsored by the words ‘stir’ and ‘smooth’.

7. In a new bowl (by this time your kitchen should look like a bomb hit it), whisk the egg whites into stiff peaks. You have to test this in the traditional way – pick the bowl up, turn it upside down, and lift it over your head. If it all goes wrong, egg whites make an amazing hair mask, so don’t worry.

8. Now for the chance-y bit. Use a metal spoon to stir in one spoonful of egg white into the chocolate mixture. Fold in, gently.

9. Bit by bit, stir the rest of the egg whites in, folding lightly. You’ll need to make sure it’s properly mixed, but just don’t stir too vigorously.

10. Pour the mixture into the tin, then pop into the oven for 25 minutes. It’ll rise, go a bit wobbly in the middle, then sink towards the end, as cracks start to appear - like Cheryl Cole’s career.

11. Take it out, leave it to cool, then slide it out of the tin. I left the parchment paper on, to give it a little support, but you can peel this away. It’s very satisfying.

12. Cover with clingfilm for 2 hours, then dust with cocoa powder, and serve with a little cocoa powder.

And, you’ve survived your first ever soufflé. Celebrate by eating it.  xoxo Diamond Doll

Backstreet's back....ALRIGHT

I'm back! I've been terribly lame at actually doing my beloved blog of late, and having just signed in after an EXTREMELY long absence, I've seen you wonderful, beautiful darlings are still reading! Thank you!

So here's the thing. It's my birthday this week, and for the first time ever, I'm going to make my own cake. See below for inspiration/cake porn.

Here's what I'll be making (and subsequently blogging): French Fancies, raspberry swirl meringues (sssh, they're secretly marshmellowy clouds), pink champagne and raspberry jellies, more cupcakes, and of course, a huge and disgustingly creamy, pink and sweet birthday cake.

Later this week, I'll do recipes and pictures for hopefully all of the above, so keep your eyes peeled, and good things will come your way!

Oh, the weather outside is frightful...

...No, really, it is.

Just a teensy apology to you, my beauties, for being a selfish and terrible blogger. Having started a new job recently means I've had less time to blog, not to mention the fact that I've actually just made the Snowdrift Shortbread three Sundays in a row, so nothing new to add...

Next weekend I'm going to start making Festive fancies, as it's now justifiably Winter. I'll also be sharing with you my latest macaroon tale of woe.

All my love, stay warm! xxx

Munching on a Winter Wonderland

Oh gosh. I hate to start out by being negative, and I really, truly love the book 'Eat Me!'....but. And it's a big 'but'. (Like the kind you'll get if you eat too many of my cakes.) But, the recipes often just don't work, or are missing vital instructions. It's a shame, and a good example of when style wins out over substance. Sadly, in cooking, substance is what you need. My pledge to you, beautiful readers, is to give you the most accurate recipes I can, so I've tweaked this one. In the next few weeks, I'm going to be making the transition from testing out the recipes of others, to making up my own, so please stay with me!



Shortbread base ingredients
3oz caster sugar
80z plain flour
40z unsalted butter, fridge-cold and cut into pieces

1. Fire up the ol' oven to 170C, and then set to greasing up a baking tin measuring 20 x 30cm. If you really can't handle that, then 8 x 12in. Greasing up. Greeeeeeasing up. Yuck. You'll most likely want to do this, and/or line it with parchment paper, unless you've got the best ever baking tin in the world, that never sticks (private message me if you do. I'll be having that please.)

2. Grab yourself a bowl, and mix together flour and sugar and butter. Yay! You're done!

3. So kidding. You're not back in Kansas yet, Dorothy. Get the butter and rub it in, until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs.

4. Press the mixture into the baking tin, evening it up as you go, making sure it reaches into the corners. Bake in the oven for around 25 minutes, or until golden brown.

For the fudge filling:

1 x 397g can condensed milk

2oz soft light brown sugar

2oz unsalted butter

1. I've never, ever had condensed milk before. I found the experience really rather exciting....

2. So easy peasy - all you have to do is pour the condensed milk, sugar and butter into a pan. Bring it to the boil, then turn the heat down, and cook for around 7-8 minutes, stirring regularly. The Eat Me book by 'Cookie Girl' says something COMPLETELY different. Ignore. Me and Cookie Girl will be on Jeremy Kyle next Wednesday, working out our difficulties.

3. What you're looking for is a slight darkening in colour. Don't worry too much texture-wise. It'll thicken up a bit, but when you leave it to cool, it will thicken even more so.

4. So, um, yeah....leave it to cool.

For the topping
6oz white chocolate
2oz desiccated coconut

1. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of simmering water. You'll want to do this JUST before you need it, because otherwise, it'll go from solid to liquid, then back to solid again. Kind of like the way Cheryl Cole went from being Pugnacious Chav, to Nation's Sweetheart, to Public Enemy No1 again.

2. Once the shortbread is cooked, cover with the fudge filling, then spread the white chocolate across, with a spatula. This will be tough! In fact, spreading white chocolate over fudge doesn't get much tougher than this, as they always say on Masterchef.

3. While the chocolate's still molten (brilliant word), sprinkle over the desiccated coconut and leave to cool, before cutting into squares.

4. Before you eat, you might want to book in with your local Weightwatchers group. Just a heads up.

All my love, and while my blog may have made you laugh (massive presumption on my part), please don't forget that today is Remembrance Sunday, and take some time to think about what that means to you. Diamond Doll xxx

Curiouser and curiouser....

Alice in Wonderland Cupcakes from the wonderful 'Crabapple Bakery Cupcake Cookbook'. These are stunners, and they will blow your mind. Even better, they will blow the mind of anyone you give them to. Ok cake fans, time to cook. This is an Aussie recipe, so all in cups...

Coconut and cherry cake ingredients
2 1/4 cups plain flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 cup desiccated coconut
2/3 cup milk
400g sour cream
200g softened butter
1/2 teaspoon coconut essence
1/2 cups caster sugar
3 eggs
1 cup chopped glace cherries

Makes 24

1. Preheat oven to 160C. Line two 12-hole muffin trays with cupcake cases, as bright as you like. Pink is obviously preferable, as ever.

2. Sift together the flour and baking powder, then add the desiccated coconut and mix, using your hands. Damn girl! You don't need no wooden spoons!

3. In another bowl, mix togther the milk and sour cream until smooth. If your cream isn't sour enough, tell it it's wife cheated on it. That should help. Inappropriate?

4. In yet ANOTHER bowl, cream the butter and coconut essence together for 1-2 minutes - this should really help add a 'heart' of coconut to the recipe, instead of just adding it to the mixture later.

5. Add the castor sugar a third at a time, and beat for 2 minutes between each addition. It may sound labour intensive, but you really won't regret it - when you're using something like desiccated coconut, the rest of the cake needs to be EXTREMELY SMOOTH. As smooth as...no, no, I do that joke every blog entry. After the last addition of sugar, keep beating until you can hardly feel your wrist. You want it to look as though the sugar has almost completely dissolved into the mixture.

6. Add eggs one at a time, beating for 1 minute after each. It's tres tres important that the mixture is light and fluffy, or your friends won't ever speak to you again.

7. Add a third of the flour mixture at a time to the creamed mixture, and beat until just combined. Add half of the sour cream mixture and also beat until just combined. Repeat this until all the ingredients are combined. After the remaining third of the flour is combined, beat until mixed but not 'tough'.

8. Add glace cherries and beat until...until what? Yes! JUST COMBINED.



9. Spoon mixture into your cupcake cases, filling until half full. Bake for between 18-20 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean.

10. Once removed from the oven, take the cakes out and leave them to cool on a rack for around 30 minutes, otherwise when you ice it you'll get soup instead.

Pink Coconut Ice Frosting

9 egg whites
6 cups dessicated coconut
9 cups icing sugar
pink food colouring

1. Industrial quantities of coconut ice!

2. Beat the egg whites for 15 seconds using a mixer on low speed. The minute it solidifies, you will get a rush of incredible wellbeing. I'd imagine that's how it feels to have a baby - not 15 seconds ago, you were cradling a sloppy mixing bowl of egg whites, and now look! A glorious mountain range, carved out in stiff egg....it's a miracle! Now hold it above your head to prove you've done your job properly.



3. Right campers - add the coconut, sifted icing sugar and 3-4 drops pink food colouring, or however much it takes to satisfy your cravings for pinkness. For me it's a lot more than 3-4 drops, I'll tell you that for free.

4. Listen up and listen well, and listen....good. This will SET. And it will set QUICKLY. So what you have to do is pretend you're in a sequel to 'Speed'. 'Speed 4: Race Against Coconut Ice'. (Apologies if there already has been a Speed 4. Apologies because it was undoubtely crap.) Goddammit you! You're gonna have to work fast! If you don't.....YOU'LL HAVE TO THROW YOUR ICING IN THE BIN.

5. Sorry, might have got a tad carried away. Now, I'm afraid there are no pictures of the following steps, because of Speed 4 syndrome - I couldn't possibly pause to photograph. Take my word for it. Here's what you do: Use your hands to roll a large spoonful of icing into a ball, around the size of a peach. Place it (QUICKLY) on top of your cake, and shape it. Sprinkle with more desiccated coconut and top with half a cherry.

Alternative names I have for 'desiccated coconut':

Decimated coconut

Desegregated coconut

Disingenuous coconut

Disgraced coconut

You may know it by many others. It is a master of disguise.

Call the Doctor! Call the nurse! She's turned into a lunatic!

....is what you may say when you see what I have in store. I have long since been a fan of the zany, but entirely brilliant Mr Heston Blumenthal, and ever since watching his various tv shows, I have gone to bed dreaming of using one of his recipes. In his 'Historical Feasts' series, I was madly taken with the little edible icebergs that formed his dessert. It turned out my luck was in. Channel 4 has the recipe here: http://www.channel4.com/food/recipes/chefs/heston-blumenthal/heston-s-edible-mini-bergs-recipe_p_1.html

I stopped in my tracks. I gaped at the screen. 'Huzzah!' I shouted. (Quietly. To myself.) It was as though the God of Cooking had sent me a challenge. Yes, there are several thousand components. Yes, it's certainly not beginner stuff, and I am certainly a beginner. BUT, I adore Heston. He's my idol, and I am constantly inspired by him. This is the path I must take. I will fully document my attempt at this recipe, even if it sinks as badly as the Titanic itself. (Like I say, ever topical on this blog).

Tatty bye for now, I'll be keeping you updated on this maaaaad challenge.

All my love, Diamond Doll xxx